Reality
[ This Gir| ]
Just a name.
Just a face.
Just a life.
with an alter ego.
[ My Likes ]
Him.
Cats.
mushrooms.
being myself.
my girls
[ My wishes ]
Searching for my identity.
Understanding myself.
Him to be happy.
Everyone to be happy.
Not to lose contact with my girls
[ Musings ]
All our lives we search for someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance the song of heartbreak and hope all the while,wondering if somewhere,somehow there is someone searching for us.
~~~
Sometimes we never find what we are searching for. Worse, we dont even realise that we need to be searching. We end up, on deathbed, not having lived a life at all.
~~~
Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life.
~~~
Difficult times
mon, first day of sch aft e wkend, was bad. by "bad", it aint 'gd" or "dunno lorx" or wadvea stupid replies e kids give tt show tt they havent been listening, not interested in my lessons, not willing to learn, or my lessons hav been a failure not to stir up any reactions in e kids. honestli i rather c dem chattin away to another then to c their heads down, polishing their rulers or doodling on their papers, or givin me tt super glaze look tt obviously shows tt e soul has gone a -wondering. it's easier to move a stone wall den to get any response from dem ok. haix it's not i dunwan to give dem games/grp work or wad, but ive got schedules to keep to, lesson plans to make and follow while e HODs keep remindin us of various deadlines. i knoe they r ll tired n remainin attentive in a 70 min lesson aint easy..haix i dunno tink my lessons reli suck. in another 1, i tink my lessons r too diff n i suck at explainin again cos so many of them could not understand despite e various illustrations and examples i had given. trust me, hist is NOT easy to teach. wonder how val is faring over there. mayb its jus tt my lessons reli suck. now i understand how chan kim choo felt when he was teaching us geog in sec4, m reli reli very sorry. know how disheartening it is to c all of ur students blatantly sleeping/ doin hwk for other subjects etc.
to cap it all,i dunno why some ppl jus cant accept me for who im. in e past it was such tt ppl wanted to rear in my clubbin side i.e get me to b my guai n nerdy self again. however dis time around, sum ppl want me to b a show trophy, constantly remindin me with gentle hints like tuggin at e surplus fats on my tummy all e time, whispering " tink u shld go exercise", or proddin at e pimples on my face and crackin jokes abt my face being taken for target practise. you said tt i shld b more confident abt myself. how can i, if u choose to shred whatever few strands of self-confidence i have with such remarks? m i too sensitive girls? pls tell me if im reli too sensitive ok. looks like im doomed for eternity not to be able to be comfortable being who im e way i want to be. alw chafin under e expectations and being how they want me to be. it's reli tirin living a life jus to meet other ppl's expectations.
things hav reli not been going well.
all e long talks late into e night, all e thrashing sessions have either ended out with nth resolved. all talk, no action. e worthlessness of words. haix.
flashbacks of the past [5:34 PM]
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